Why subscribe to These Are The Best Things?
I feel like I shouldn’t have to say this but…because it’s The Best Thing??? Further, TATBT is:
a weekly Bachelor(ette) recap newsletter during ABC’s biannual cuffing season.
a weekly pop culture and entertainment newsletter during the months when Chris B. Harrison retreats to his own personal island to hibernate in his cryogenic chamber inside a house made out of papier-mâchéd hundo bills.
If you’re a reader of my TATBT blog — which has historically been updated with the speed and consistency of whole-fat Greek yogurt dripping down a brick wall (gross, sorry) — and you’ve ever found yourself thinking, I wish that Jodi Walker would write more frequently about all the things I care about like 32-year-old tummy-tea-slingers, and what Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter is up to this week, and what a Juul is, and what the teens are listening to, and which Hallmark movies have the best wigs, and why incest on Game of Thrones is actually hot, YOU JUST DON’T GET IT …then you’re going to love the TATBT newsletter.
What do you get?
A guaranteed weekly Bachelor(ette) recap and additional long-form, obsessive pop culture commentary for paid-subscribers only. Occasionally there will be free letters for non-subscribers, as well! (Sign up to receive free letters here!)All letters are further guaranteed to be upward of 4,000 words in order to distract you from work for at least a solid 20 minutes every week. So, at $5-per-month, that breaks down to about $1 per recap, and $0.00125 per word. A pretty solid deal, but you might be asking yourself…
Why should I pay for something I used to get for free?
Believe me, I feel insane suggesting that people to pay money to read my writing, even though technically that is my job as a professional entertainment writer. And even though I love writing for outlets like Entertainment Weekly and Vulture, there are certain pop culture items I have only ever wanted to write about for myself and my friends, and my friends’ friends. But since I have to make money to afford this glamorous lifestyle of ambiguously branded TJ Maxx leggings and Instagram-Explore-page lipglosses that are almost definitely a scam, that has long meant prioritizing my paid writing at other outlets over The Best Things, and generally only inking out one Bachelor recap a month—or none if I found the lead uninspiring (hey Nick, I’m still trying to figure out what you did to your face!)
The TATBT newsletter is an effort to regularly supply you with that sweet, sweet pop culture content, straight to your inbox every week, starting with dear Midwestern Becca K’s season of The Bachelorette. Also, if you pay me U.S. dollars to write for you, then I am basically legally bound to write about whatever you want with my signature dedication, wordiness, and feminist fury. Do feel free to email suggestions to firstname.lastname@example.org.
The first three weeks of TATBT newsletters will be F*R*E*E*, so if you’re not sure about paying just yet, you can sign up for a free three-week trial right here!
Some Frequently Asked Questions
What if I've been lurking on your blog for years and don't want you to know I read your stupid articles because you seem pretty proud of yourself as it is…but I still want to read your stupid articles?
That's very fair! Or maybe only I would harbor such a concern because I personally don't want anyone who is not of blood-relation or currently making eye contact with me to know that I have ever thought about them, ever. Who could really say?! [Ed note: a therapist. A therapist could say!] Anyway, if you went to college with me and we literally never talked, or you once professed your love to me and I callously rejected you, or you’ve never met me at all and have no idea that I look like a plucky young drama teacher ready to whip this program into shape, but still want to subscribe to this newsletter with some anonymity, have no fear…
All subscribers are welcome here, and I will not take your patronage as an endorsement of my hubris. In fact, I will do my best to avoid the subscriber list altogether so that I can plead ignorance to knowing that I made my friend’s mom read, say, “jizz hair” or “scrotum eyes” or whatever. Lurk on, sweet internet children; I will be writing from a deep, dark corner, lit only by my JoJo Fletcher prayer candle.
Is this not just the same as your TATBT blog? Why can’t you just stay on Tumblr so I can read your posts and look at my edgy teen cousin’s Riverdale illustrations at the same time?
It is very similar, yes! Some differences are: the newsletter comes straight to you, it will be consistent, and it generates a small amount of revenue for ME: Jodi “Warbucks” Walker
What if I’m not interested in The Bachelor but I still want to read your writing?
The empathetic part of my Myers-Briggs wants to tell you there will be other exciting things for you to read here, especially once The Bachelorette season is over; the truth-telling side of me needs to tell you that you’re lying and no one is impressed.
Can I forward these e-mails to non-subscribers?
I would love if you brought more eyes to this here pop culture newsletter by forwarding along the free letters; an occasional subscriber-only letter to whet the appetite is okay too. Maybe if those freeloaders eventually subscribe I can keep writing about all The Most Important Things for people who won't roll into a comment section to tell me I should eat a brick for suggesting that an NBC procedural might not be worthy of the Nobel Peace Prize :D These truly are The Best Things.
If you have an infrequently asked question, you can email them to email@example.com. Can’t wait to glitter-bomb your inbox!